I'm auditioning for "Survivor" this month!

Yesterday a MAJOR announcement was made. CBS is currently casting the next two seasons of "Survivor" and they are holding an OPEN CASTING CALL at OWA in Foley, AL on October 20th from 10am to 2pm. All the details can be found here. 

My first instinct was "I'd never get chosen" and then "if I did get chosen, I'd never win". I've always said a bucket list item for me is to be on "The Amazing Race"! Travel the world with someone I know for 2 weeks and win a ton of money. It's very lighthearted and I use humor to ease the tension of any moment so it fits. This show..its intense. Kind of scary. This leads me to my next point...why I am 100% auditioning for this show. 

I've read up on the audition process. I know what they are looking for. Authenticity and honesty. It doesn't matter if you can design a rocket ship or if you play for the Yankees. If they think your personality will mesh or clash with the other cast members, you're in. So for everyone who’s ever had to mask a part of themselves, your girl is coming in hot with nothing to hide...starting with this VERY vulnerable and honest blog. 

It all starts with the casting call and you have 1 minute to tell the judges why you should be cast. They look for things like "why you'd be the ultimate Survivor" and "past cast members you most relate to" but mostly "what's your mission on Survivor?". If chosen they fly you to LA for final evaluations including physicals, IQ tests and Psych evals. It’s intense. 

On a funnier/ more lighthearted note, here's what you can expect if by some crazy chance I DO make the cut - TV GOLD if you ask me:

Single mommy Radio DJ with proven record of having a filter problem.

Uses self-deprecating humor as a defense mechanism and distraction tactic far too often.

Gags over anything remotely gross. 

Fairly athletic. Cries a lot. Falls down minimum 3 times per day. 

Conspiracy theorist. 

Makes friends easily. 

Uber paranoid at all times. 

Extroverted introvert. 

Tenderhearted but hates it. 

Semi-trained in interrogations. 

Movie quote idiot savant. 

Gets bitten by any bug within a 30 mile radius. Cries about it.  

Down for a showmance if it pays off. 

Slightly scared of the dark. 

Boston Rob fan all the way. 

Puns for days.

On a more serious note, here’s what I've got so far:

Why I'd be the ultimate Survivor?

I have never made things easy. For whatever reason I have always chosen the rough road and it's taken me down some difficult paths, but I ALWAYS make it to the endgame. It may take me a bit to figure it out, but once I see where I'm headed, my persistence and determination will not allow me to do anything other than SURVIVE.

What's your mission on Survivor?

I want to be able to believe in myself.

My family is massive. I have more first and second cousins than anyone I know. I am the only one in my immediately family that has moved out state...ever (except for my Uncle Vann who worked off and on in Africa for a while). We all live within a ten mile radius and see each other at least once a week. My sister and my cousins are my best friends. I have a restless spirit that has always sought challenge and adventure. I grew up very sheltered (a cop's kid) in a town with one red light and played team sports my entire life. Married an Army boy mid-college and became a mom at 22. Divorced seven years in and rely on tons of family help with my kiddo. They are seriously incredible. I still haven't figured out how to navigate this new, and often sometimes, very lonely, world. 

For whatever reason, I've always lacked confidence and want nothing more than to be everyone's friend and make everyone happy, something that I'm not sure I can ever stop striving for even though it's impossible. I'm terrified of disappointing and losing people I'm close to or letting people down that have believed in and supported me. I clearly have trust issues to go along with the self-confidence problems. Sometimes I spiral and I end up "borrowing trouble". Sometimes it's not just me though. Coping mechanism? "Go to your alone place and cry. Don't let them see you break and don't ever let it happen again." 

Let me stop for a second and say that I don't feel sorry for myself and I don't look for pity. I have some of the best people in the world in my immediate circle. They're the ones I strive to please. I often feel like I don't deserve them and yet, every single day without hesitation or judgement, they show up. I AM BLESSED Y'ALL.

Because I'm such a pleaser and long for acceptance, I trust easily and get my heartbroken often but will never give up trying to make people smile. However, burn me once and the trust is gone. Bye. I run myself ragged for the sake of making everyone happy. I NEVER put myself first and maybe it's time I do. Now don't get me wrong, I know I'm no angel. I'm moody as hell some days and can hold a grudge like no other. I react quickly and with little thought at times. God bless the ones who love me anyway. You're the real MVPs.

I am a girl who has never done anything completely on her own. My daughter is 11 and wants me to audition. I want to show her that her mom's a total badass and that she can do anything in world when she grows up. I want to prove to myself and my family that being emotional doesn't make you weak. Call me "Johnna Drama" if you want but just make sure you keep watching me as I rise. I can cry with you or because of you and still kick your butt..  I'm doing this for every woman who has ever had a group of catty women talk behind her back and still hold her head high. For all of the moms who wonder what woman still lives inside her. The one from years ago, the athlete, the girl's girl, the funny one...is she gone? I'm doing this for everyone who has been told they are too dramatic or too emotional. I'm doing this for everyone who has been told they'll never make it and for every parent who loves their child like no other but wishes they had taken more time for adventure before settling down. Maybe they won't choose me, but you know what? I will be able to say that I did something. Instead of talking, I tried. My bark may be meek but my bite will leave a scar.

So this is it. I'm doing this for me. For us.

(Clearly that's not my "1 minute to win them over" speech. Just for you guys. I intend of surprising them.)

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