AHS: Apocalypse was BANANAS and I'm NOT sold!

posted by Johnna - 

Last night American Horror Story premiered it's much anticipated new season on FX. With "Roanoke" having been a complete disaster and "Cult" having been a taste of the good stuff again last season, I'd been waiting on this since the announcement was made earlier this year that previous seasons "Coven" (my favorite season) and "Murder House" (season 1) would be making appearances in the story line of the new season. However, after last night...I think I may have over-hyped myself.

WARNING: SPOILERS ABOUT EPISODE ONE BELOW

The first five minutes, I WAS IN. The bratty main character treating her assistant like crap as she's getting a $500 haircut and a Kardashian name drop wasn't what sold me. Instead, when everyone gets an alert on their phones that an impending missile is coming to LA and her billionaire father has a private jet waiting for her to escape, I knew things were about to get good. 

When I first heard the title "Apocalypse" I didn't know if it would be something mankind caused or if the writers would go toward the direction of a Biblical Rapture story line. I like that they went this direction. There are usually social, political or environmental undertones in each story line and this one didn't even try to sugar coat it. "I can't believe we finally did it.." a reporter says on TV before his city (presumed NY) is hit as well. It's World War 3.

Billionaire Brat daughter leaves her boyfriend behind, surprise surprise... rich hairdresser and his rich Nana (BIGGEST HAPPY SMILE YET BECAUSE SHE'S JOAN COLLINS AND FLAWLESS) along with the assistant all fly off in a plane with no pilots and see LA as it gets bombed. That moment was intense.

We then flashback 40 minutes and see a kid being ripped from his family moments before the bomb hits because "he submitted his DNA to an ancestry website" and he "has been chosen to be a survivor". Ummm what? He's taken to a holding cell  in an underground bunker and one other girl is there for the same reason.

THIS IS WHERE THEY LOST ME...

Once the bombs hit and everything is presumed gone, they're taken to an fallout shelter (Outpost 3) with others like themselves. Chosen ones...and people who could afford to buy a ticket. Basically the billionaire's brat daughter and others like her. He and the rest of the family died in an attack on Hong Kong during a facetime call with her at the beginning.

The lair is dark and primitive. No power. All candles. Servants are dressed in grey and the chosens are dressed in purple, presumably for royal status. They are told to dress fancy for meals and each meal is a gelatin cube that supposedly contains enough nutrients for the day. Everyone hates it. Everyone complains. It's a bit annoying. According to the leaders, technology ruined society and to restore order, the primitive nature of their surroundings must be embraced.

Now, the leaders...the leaders have secrets that I don't think have been revealed yet. SIDE NOTE: they wear black but sneak and wear purple in private..so there's got to be a story there. I know they haven't revealed much at all about these two just yet. But I love the leaders. Sarah Paulson (Willemina Veneble) plays a great evil leader and Kathy Bates is a militant right arm not afraid to pull a trigger. Literally, she pulls it three times just in the first episode! These two supposedly take orders from leaders called "The Cooperative", or so they tell their inhabitants but we see in one scene that Veneble does not care about the so-called Cooperative and has her own agenda to gain power. She loves making others feel weak.

There's a few deaths, some cannibalism, Joan Collins being hilarious and then 18 months pass with the same song playing on the record player presumably the whole time. The episode ends with a mysterious man showing up to judge who is worthy enough to be moved to the Cooperative's main outpost and who will die. Food is running out and tempers and egos are flaring.


OVERALL OPINION:

Meh. The first ten minutes were like a very realistic movie that had been ripped from the pages of a Stephen King novel. The last fifty were just weird and confusing. I hope episode two is less 1800s gothic and more AHS Murder House/ Coven. AND WHERE THE HELL IS JESSICA LANGE?? AND MADISON MONTGOMERY WHERE ARE YOU??? 

I'm betting those worthy of moving forward will go to place run by a coven of witches...hopefully in New Orleans which wasn't one of the cities destroyed by the nuclear crisis. Guess we will have to wait and see.

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